Upper back pain has been holding me back recently, but I think that might be a good thing. First off, all of our experience as humans is completely absurd. Being the eye of the absolute, so to speak, has its amazing transcendent, pleasurable sensations and its downright horrible, painful sensations and they are not “felt” …
I wish someone told meTold me about the emptinessTold me it isn’t wrongTold me about the connectionTold me I could feel itAnd ignore it when I need toTold me it doesn’t matterTo just input and see and observe and feel and you can’t have and you can barely hold and it doesn’t matter at allI …
I guess I had a bit of a revelation today. So many of the problems I have seem to be linked to me being “serious”, neglecting my inner child. I feel that it’s true at some level. This art thing can’t be “art” for me. It is a career and it isn’t. It’s just something …
Went wild with oil pastels today. It felt so good. I love oil pastels because they make me feel like a kid again. Just creating shapes, coloring things in. I try to close my eyes when I’m drawing like this. I finished a 2 meter tall painting and took some big strides on 3 100cm …
I want to remember a timeA time I can’t recallBefore I was createdWay before I diedWhen words were freeAnd purity wasSome old friends got togetherTo talk and laughAt nothing reallyNot even really friendsJust an excuse to laughBefore the machines spokeAnd wroteBased on words and dataThat no one remembersOr understandsA time I can’t recallI wonder if …
I love nowWhen I’m not in painWhen the air is freshWhen I can say “ahorita”And it might never happenNothing to do but sit or lieWhen no one is callingWhen the screen isn’t onAnd there’s no soundBut the birds
I need to buy pensTo write Nonsense on this paper“Non” “Sense”My favorite kind of senseThe one that doesn’t requireReason or doubtDoubt is blind beliefReason is a prisonWriting nonsense to existRight nowWrite now
“Turnkey” business model“Side hustle” to earnA freezer in a roomWith fine cuts from the northAnd in 24 hours of waitingYour face turns from thatFamiliar scowl to a smileBut you’re suspiciousThat you’ve been had
Only in the banalityOf a Starbucks with a drive thruCan the sounds of busy peopleBe heardHerdWarmth and banality, “Jesica”
Our feet touchAnd that familiar spark returnsThe one that occuredWhen our eyes met9 years agoIn that dark, circular roomWhere only we existedWhere pain became peripheralWhere a foundation emergedFrom nothing and no one
Screens blinding struggling peopleAs they sitCraned necks slowly breakingNecks that feel like progressProgressing to a pointPast the toxic lakePast the drunk five and dimerAnd womenPast the ugly “art installation”That is supposed to inspire “hope”Past the full hospitalAwaking into a worldNot too far awayWhere energy isn’t feltAnd connection is just a word
Do you know what Knowledge is?Text on paperPaper on a text on paperIs it?Walking on a streetWalking in a forestFeeling strings and meatBetween your fingersReading text on paperLater feeling its meaningLike a revelationSo do you know what?Knowledge is
Filling the last pageOf a book I never expected toLast this longThe rain falls outsideOn to stone and weedsThe pool cover glistensLike a friendly frogThe trees laugh and singTheir leaves committing gentle suicideLike that Monty Python sketchAnd all the while the coffeeMaintains its steamEmanating from the brimI don’t remember whatI dreamed last nightAnd though I …
I’m with my familyI’m setting up a BBQI love to BBQMeat and eat and laugh andMy father had climbed too highAnd he fellHe fell flat on his faceI asked him “are you okay?”He was okayI realized that there wasNo meatNo meat to eatI proceeded to drive a carTo the storeTo buy meat
I want to face deathWith open armsWith a full heartWith a wealth of experienceAnd knowledgeFor infinity to feast onWith an understandingOf nothingWith intensity but no panicWith laughterWith the same abandonThat I feel nowWith an offering, a giftI want to face deathAnd fight gracefullyKnowing I won’t win
At 36 years oldI feel my body breakingBut I have hopeMy hope lies, or rather standsIn the fact that I don’t have the choice to give upAnd I am going to dieTherefore every painIs temporaryEvery sensation propels meDeeper into my workAnd my pursuit of emptiness
Choosing to be bornEmerging from infinityTo pursue the act ofFinding something to find
Someone I once knewSaid that people from the 1800sWere “simpler”Implying they were stupidThat they didn’t have the machinesThat we do nowFor someone’s benefitWhen they request a static solutionTo a moving problemAnd cry when tragedy strikesAnd weep not from sadnessBut from the feelingThat a machine encountersWhen it short circuitsThat immortal flesh is rottingA nurse from the …
My Revelation was falseIt was not realIt was the opposite of realThere were no tearsMy hair didn’t stand on endMy eyes simply blinkedI looked up and downNothing changedBut I was silentFor a whileI felt the calm resonanceOf a bellA distant bellThis isn’t a real revelation
A man who knowsHe will dieHow does a moment lookDifferent to himThan the analyticalLost man in the screenWho pines about machinesEven eludingThat he is machineHow does his cup of coffee tasteDifferentIs it different whenThe wind blowsThe rain startsThe seasons changeThe sun goes downIn a day or 3 yearsSandwiched betweenNow and infinityA man who knowsHe will …
I have this contemplative element or phase and I have an action oriented element or phase to my work right now. It’s invigorating because it allows two distinct aspects of my self to emerge and express themselves in the pictures. The contemplative phase is first. It consists of meticulous color selection (even going out to …
EndlessnessEmptinessYes I will chooseAn emptiness thatAllows a HumanTo not be a humanTo be considered more